Seriously, I have way too much to think about and way too many decisions to make.
You see, even as a young tot, I’ve had to make choices. Like if I wanted to stop wearing diapers and learn to go on the potty like a big girl. As I grew, those choices became bigger. And so did the options. What I’m talking about here is adulting. Both men and women have to do it, but sometimes it seems us girls are ALWAYS thinking. It’s like our minds NEVER, ever stop.
Or … maybe it’s just me?
I thought my choices as a child were hard. Until I became a teenager. And then I became a young adult. And then I wanted to be a child again. But you see, there’s no turning back. So you worry. And you think. And you have to move from thinking to actually making a decision.
Decisions are hard work. And women are thinking about all the decisions they have to make ALL. DAY. LONG. And then, when you become a wife and then a mother…you have wayyyyyyy more things to think about.
So you see, this is why women are absent minded. This is why we forget where we put our keys. Forget to bake cookies for the 3rd grade class party. Forget to take our birth control pills. Forget we committed to watch our neighbor’s kids. Forget how old we are. Forget to pick up our own kid… I mean… wait… not that that has ever happened to ME…
I mean, come ON! It’s ridiculous the amount of thinking we do.
Just look at this LIST of choices and questions and decisions!
I don’t remember where or when, or even the words I used. But somehow, in her 5th grade wisdom, she knew it didn’t sound right.
And I am forever grateful to her. But mostly to her mother.
You see, I was sexually abused by a man who really doesn’t deserve the title step-father. I’m not sure when the first time was…or the last. It’s just a bunch of fragmented and paralyzing moments in my memory.
Like the time I could see through the curtains just enough to see my friends swimming in the pool. They were laughing. They were playing. And I ached to be with them; instead of in this bedroom, being exploited.
When you’re eight years old and one of the people you are supposed to trust tells you that something is okay, you believe them. Why wouldn’t you?
He’s saying it’s okay. He’s lives with and takes care of you. He’s married to your mother. And he’s saying he’s doing this because he loves me. And this is what fathers and daughters do when they love each other.
I must believe him. I’ve seen what he can do when he gets angry, and I dare not cross him.
When you have devastating news to process or something you are proud of…who do you call?
Who are the friends that won’t judge or condemn you?
Who are the ones that will answer your call at 2am?
I don’t know about you, but I couldn’t do without my trusted girlfriends — my inner circle. We have shared many of life’s triumphs and tragedies. We have prayed for and served one another. We’ve paid for the other’s lunch when a job loss arose. We’ve helped clean a house (or paid for house cleaners) when the going got rough. We’ve picked up each other’s kids in a bind. We’ve prayed boldly for each other’s kids as if they were our own.
What do people do without this kind of support and connection? I can’t even imagine not having a trusted friend to call in a bind, when you are panicking about bills, when you are needing encouragement to lift you out of that funk–a confidant who has your back.
We are never guaranteed a life without loss. In fact, we’re not even guaranteed tomorrow.
Not very encouraging, right? But read on…
We’ve probably all felt some type of loss from an early age. Your best friend from 2nd grade moves away. You lost your favorite toy. Your Dad …or Mom leaves because of divorce. You hurt a friend, and they wouldn’t forgive you. You have to move and leave all your friends. You lost a grandparent. You lost a parent. Maybe a young friend died.
This is what my kids are going through right now. A young, vibrant 15-year-old friend passed away yesterday from a brain aneurysm. It was sudden. It was unexpected. It’s a devastating loss…to many.
We all wonder, why does God choose to take away the young…the defenseless…the innocent?